Grieving Moment

Hi! It's been ages since the last time I posted serious topics here. Tonight is different. I'm gonna write something about my friend, Arlita Malena. Arlita was my schoolmate. She's one of the closest friends I had in my school, and she's the sincerest one. Our Houses were near, that's why we used to always go back home together. After we graduated from high school, I was the one who never had time to gather with my high school friends. I was always busy with my new life and she's the one who always reminded me and asked me to spend my little time to hang out together with them. She used to call me just to say 'Hi' or 'How are you doing' then it usually turned to be a simple chat and that's it. Then I got a job and moved to Bali, I was getting busier, while she's moving on and living her life. All I knew was she's healthy and happy with her boyfriend. She's just fine.

Last Sunday, October 21st 2012. I was in a cab, heading to airport, chasing 5 PM flight to Denpasar. I got a broadcast message from my schoolmate, it said "Arlita Malena just passed away at 3 PM. May she rest in peace.". I can't describe what I felt that day. I was shocked and angry in the same time. I still hoped that it's just a joke, and I told my friend that if it's a joke, this one is not funny at all! But unfortunately, this news is real. My hand was shaking. I kept telling myself that Arlita is healthy, she's alright, and I could hear her calling me "Pinguuuu! Ayook nguu ngumpul sama anak-anak!". I still could hear her teasing me with some guys and we laugh together. But that's only on my mind. Because what really just happened is Lita has gone.

I never knew she was sick before. I thought she's healthy. Yes she's skinny, but healthy skinny! I kept asking "How come???"

I heard that she got Tuberculosis, and she suffered it for months but she asked her boyfriend to keep it from her friends. Nobody knew it until when she's dying in ICU the day before she passed away. I heard she just graduated from college, got a perfect boyfriend, had a plan to get married next year, and some other great plans for her future. Everything was perfect! Now I know that no matter how perfect people make plans for their lives.. in the end, it's still God, the one who chooses their fate.

It's really sad to lose a good friend like you, Arlita. But you have a better life in heaven now. So long, Totet! Until we meet again in Heaven. I don't know when, but until that day come, I'll keep you and our friendship in my heart :)

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 Love, L

Quotes of The Day

"I beg young people to travel. If you don't have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. eat interesting food, dig some interesting people, have an adventure, be careful. Come back, and you're going to see your country differently, your going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You're going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. It's not what Tom Friedman writes about, I'm sorry. You're going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can't get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people --Americans and Europeans -- come back and go, "oooohh" and the lightbulb goes on." - Henry Rollins

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Love, L

Take Time

Healing always takes time. One hour, one day, weeks, months, or some years it doesn't matter. I know this is somehow so hard but just take it! Take bunch of times as you need. That's the only chance you can't take for granted.

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Love, L

Chasing The Shadow

This kind of feeling. When you know you've done more than enough but you just can't stop. You know how it hurts you so bad, but that even doesn't bother you anymore. Logics are blocked from mind and everything seems make sense. You think this is unconditional when people said it to your face that you're losing your mind. 

Mind is full with ignorance.. and heart with desire. You trice had a second of doubt but you keep chasing anyway. You're going deeper and deeper until you can't hear the voices no more. You thought they finally leave you alone with your curiosity. It felt so peaceful at first until you realized you just get lost. And the shadow is gone in time when darkness appears. Now you're being trapped, you can't find your way back.

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Love, L

Fade Away

I was a little girl who dreamed of sky, rainbow, stars and fireworks even when I lived in darkness. I was innocently dreaming of beauty and happiness, when world was dealing with tears. And as I grew up, the artless thoughts have faded away..

I was a teenager who cried over boys and complained about every single thing. All I wanted was to have fun because I didn't want to bother myself to care about life that has always been too hard to deal with.. I was too confused to find my life orientation and too busy of stealing guys' attention. And as time goes by, those teenage dreams have faded away..


I am a young woman who chases her dream. I've been searching some ways to deal with life. I've done with boys and looking for a real man to spend my life with. I feel powerful and I will conquer the world. I'm not giving up and keep pursuing my happiness. And as I get older, my strength will fade away..


I will be old and retired. There will be time that I'll say "I'm done." and "I've got enough." There will be times when I think about everything I've done and that also the time when I'll be grateful.. Life must have given me much. And as life taught me, my time will fade away..


Love, L

Yellow Butterfly

Maybe for some of you my story will sound weird and strange. And maybe some of us will think that it’s just a coincidence. But for me it’s still a mystery.

It started when I was a little girl (about 4 years old). I just woke up in the morning in my mom’s room. There were my mom, my aunt, and my sister in that room with me. That was my birthday. Suddenly, a yellow butterfly came into the room, it was flying and ‘landing’ on my cheek. I cried. And all the people in my mom’s room were laughing.

They said: “You don’t have to be afraid. That butterfly just want to give you a birthday kiss.”

FYI, there’s no window in my mom’s room. That was kinda awkward, right? I thought that was just accidentally happened until my 21st birthday on march 6th 2010 a go, when I just got back home from somewhere and I saw it again on the front door. Frankly, I think that was lil bit creepy.

Maybe it's just another coincidence.. Or maybe, there's really something magical between us. Maybe the first yellow butterfly was greeting me to bring me into my childhood. And maybe the second yellow butterfly was the sign that I come of age. It came to welcoming me to the age of consent, to maturity of life. Maybe it will come again when I get start into an elderly life, and maybe it will also come to my funeral. No one will know, neither will I.. However, it's still awesome!

Love, L